141231 二零一四 2014

OH MY WORD! 2014要過ㄌ!!!
本來有點想寫今年的回顧，但是文筆太菜還是不要來討笑ㄌ...
來一點新ㄉ、加一點舊ㄉ，
拼拼湊湊的一年又過ㄌ! 時光飛逝!

今年對我個人而言風風雨雨，
但也是關關難過關關過啦，時好時壞ㄉ才是人生啊。

「未來會怎麼樣我不知道，不變的是音樂跟我們永遠一起」
   Illusiveheaven.com 也陪伴我度過了2014的秋冬，
   音樂真的很溫暖，在你最失落失意的時候會很有情義的拉你一把，
   音樂也是個bitch，在你快失足墜落時會很故意的大力的推你一下，
   無論如何，有笑有淚有苦有瘋的這年的這個很菜的blog就先跟大家優雅一鞠躬說聲thank you!

midnight talk Day 23 + Day 24

There are two colours in my head
What is that you tried to say?

Everything, everything, everything..
In its right place



One more day to 2015 and we've been separate more than 23 days :(
I went to a movie premiere this afternoon with all my collages invited by me male boss. It's about aboriginal music in Taiwan and how they cooperate with orchestra and devote to a brand new way of performance.
I cried in a plot when they practice at the first time which reminds me of the very first time I saw there's a new piano in my house and the first time I play the keys. It's such a great dream, so brave, so innocent.

Look at myself right now, except for having you in my life, I am just totally a loser who lose everything.
Or precisely, I have nothing to lose all the time.
I love your brilliant mind and kind heart so much, because those are things I don't have :(
Please keep your fire and lighten mine as well again in the incoming new year. Around an end, when you look back what you've done in the past whole year, count them within 10 fingers, I feel that dreams are lost.
My only dream is to let music being everywhere, that simple. But realize that I want to be my own boss and open my own business, that will be my new year resolution. And helping your dreams is already part of my life now. I am not a good pusher, but I would love to try my best for you. Because you are worth it.
Do you think I am still the girl you love since we met? I hope that I didn't change at all.
But the only thing will never change is the fact that I love and care you always no matter how you feel.

Tomorrow it's new year eve, and I have a feeling that we won't have time to talk on the last day of 2014. So I will type everything I want to tell you here for today and also tomorrow. 
I am sorra that since you were gone, I became a worry head and it's also disgusting even for myself. I trust all the time, just long distance is too difficult to hold on my sorrow. If you feel hurtful by those cruel words already, please do me a favor to forget everything and leave them behind in 2014. Let's move on together to 2015 :)

Also our 9 month anniversary is just around corner my lava. How long will we love each other? I hope the answer is forevea. When you are so far away from me, feeling so insecure alone here because you get talent and beautiful figure, I am just a chubby normal girl with no talent at all. But I have to say that when you were around, I feel like I am the best girl in the world :)
You give me those courage and confident. Thank you my lava.

This year since I met you in April is so amazing and unbelievable. Weekend with you in sea 1 is one of the best time in my life, and ever since then, my life is very colourful and sweet everyday.

After 2014, there will be only 13 days to see ya! Can't wait anymore :( 
Again, thank you for your everything and also I wish you had a good time after being and living with me.
Let's make love to start our new year together and babe!
I love you forevea.

midnight talk Day 22

I need some sleep.



There're only three days to 2015, and I won't have chance to be with you in the end of this year which makes me anxious the whole day today. I don't care where and whom you spend the day with, just people say how you spend the last and first day will be life you have all year round. 
Does it mean we will be separate frequently? Also me still ditching around alone in my own box? Where will you be then? I trust you and love you so much, but it's not enough for this emptiness in my chest right now ya know?
It's been too long to embrace you again I think. I don't mind where will you be anymore, cause it's really not my business. You left me alone for so many tough moments, I got over and stood up on my own kneels without your help. You just let go off me, don't you. 
I can't feel you anymore, not anymore.

It's been too tiring last weekend tho, I am sorra. I have to remember how we love each so much still.

midnight talk Day 21

3 multiplies 7 equals to 21. Both our favorite numbers make Day 21. So I feel being surrounded by you today.

Came home from intravenous injection this afternoon, just woke up after being in dazzling. I an used to take care of myself more, and understand the importance to care myself for you, not letting you worry of me there.

Only the moment they insert the needle into my arms, can't hold my tears awkwardly. Not afraid of the pain but the helplessness.

i sang the words i meant
i sang

This sorta music is defined in slowcore with bleak lyrics, downbeat melodies, slower tempos and minimalist arrangement. Simplify the music but still touch people's heart.
Also the title corresponds to the melody itself so much, lullaby. Who said lullaby suppose to make people laugh?Sometimes you have no one to sing lullaby for yourself but you. In the midnight, at the most vulnerable moment, I only sang the words I meant in the make-up song written by myself. Pure loneliness fills in the night and also for the theme song.

Watching the spot where the needle be inserted, I felt the helplessness again over and over.
It's gonna be a long night to get through again.

141228 沒有影像的聲音 Part 2

最近迷上了一部2007年的美國影集Chuck，
只能說選擇配樂的團隊一定是厲害的音樂人!
每集的音樂都選擇的恰到好處，
讓我愛不釋手!



來自Modern English的 I melt with you 釋手從頭甜到尾的輕快情歌，
When you wake up and one song can define how you feel.
這首歌完全是當你在情人擁抱裡甦醒，睜開眼第一眼看到的是他慵懶的笑容，
I'll stop the world and melt with you.
我愛你 也就輕易的脫口而出了。

midnight talk Day 20

hallo my charming.
Miss you so badly today. Actually this article is a make-up one for yesterday's absence here. 
I could say it's the most difficult moment eva sine you were gone yesterday. Almost thought I will lose my mind on the way home my darlin. Thanks the universe that I survive. That's why I am here writing our Day 20 for you.
Still feeling very tired but nice to know you are safe and sound (as you said) in Phoenix. If you are happy, so am I



This song is called " Thinking, drinking, sinking feeling"
Have you eva felt this feeling around me? I do.

But I will make you see, that you belong to me
Stick me to you, nature needs no glue
I could hold you tighter, and I could make you lighter
Than the air that you've been breathin

Like the guitar melody loops in the background and also at 2'20 when they start clapping hands with the beat.
Being with you always makes me feel tipsy in the air, always so unforgettable.



‘Cos I’m a lazy quitter           I panic and I dither
I’ll only lose your patience    You’ll only find me rude

Only if you're certain            That I'm the perfect human
Only if the time frame           Will never get the blame

Day 20 already. More closer to your home. When you were not with me, I panic and dither just make myself a spaz. Thank you for being my painkiller and lifevest, you are always the best choice I've eva made.
Can't wait to touch your soft face and belly, I love you so so so much.

midnight talk Day 19

dobry wieczór :)

T.G.I.F. 
Finally here comes my weekend, finally can get some sleep after two exhausting week.

We could spend the day together
The first time in a long, long while
You can wrap me up in tinsel
Make as much noise as you like

When we get home for Christmas
Pleats on our knees on the floor
We'll open presents between kisses
Your eyes burn stronger than the fire

Sorry I was not in Christmas mood yesterday and cried when you called me. 
Thanks for calling me at the moment I needed you the most, feels like you knew I was crying then.
"When I get home for Christmas" is the perfect song to say my heart for you all the time. With you, everyday is Christmas for us, and "us" is stronger than "me" or "you", right?
 Also I am so happy for your christmas present and be surrounded by people love you and you love, we both are very lucky to have those precious moments in our lives. Can't wait for your back, more and more excited for the moment I could kiss you eventually.



Another Christmas song heheh!

Like some drunken Elvis singin'
I go singin' out of tune
Sayin' how I always loved you, darlin'
And I always will

Those Christmas lights light up the street
Down where the sea and city meet
May all your troubles soon be gone
Oh, Christmas lights, keep shinin' on

I love you and will love you so till we are so old, and holding your hands walking along beach near our cabin in Ireland will be the best dream to carry on since the moment I met you.

Will you share your new year resolution on the last day of 2014?
You already know mine, don't you :)

I love you so much more today.

midnight talk Day 18 - merry christmas!

Merry Christmas my lover.
It's a super exhausting christmas day for me, feel like drowning in my work. Hate it at the peak now so much, everything I do makes me spacing out of my mind. 
All I want is life with you like they had in this movie clip below my porky, just chilling in and doing everything in the same room with you will be the best eva. Christmas day, 12/25, only expand my loneliness instead of bring me joy. Also it rains now but I only remember it's your favorite. Just wish Santa can bring you here and hug me so hard. 



I don't know you, but I want you
All the more for that

Since noe I've known you so well, how can I let you go eva :(

Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing it loud

I love every art pieces ya've done and also I see your passion in them. Next year I will provide you so much more than the present to make you fly higher in the bright blue sky with my wings.
Also I see us the perfect match eva in my life and heart beats for you my porky.

Merry Christmas for you darling, my only wish is your back so soon.
I am more needy than any moment now. But you can't see my tears and my sorrowful heart.

Love you like stars.

Christmas Eve's Special for ya :)

Merry Christmas in a day for me, in two days for ya.
Lights were on everywhere on the way back home, also enhance my loneliness a bit.
Wish that right now I could do time travel back to those happiest moment we had and stay until Christmas day. Holiday, especially Christmas, for me, is event for lovers hehe. Stay so close to breathe in the same pinky bubbly sparkling air together and snuggle, kiss, make love with the most lovely each in the world. 

I am doing my best to impress here with my influent words even though not sure whether ya will like it or not. But gradually, I've taken this place as my shelter with the strongest walls outside and protect myself through loneliness and attack from the society.  And it works so well everytime when I feel worn out by the world around me. Thank you my bud.



Think of your ideals
Think really hard
And write it down in rhymes
To make it more believable

Every fragment in perpetuity is instantaneous.

I feel so after listening to this song over and over. 
Forever is possible for me with ya already, but we still have to cherish every moment we have in this remarkable life. 

To see the world, things dangerous to come to,
To see behind walls, draw closer to find each other and to feel.
That is the purpose of life.

Remember where this quote comes from? It reminds me of our first meeting in a very lovely beach and make me smile all the time. Please keep telling me what we will be in both short term and a lifetime. Also, please don't throw our memory away for new experience. Carrying those old scars and glories on us and moving on, will create so many sparks on the way my porky.

lets not worry about images
lets not worry about mind control
lets stop talking about prisoners
up against an invisible wall
lets not feel anything at all

Let's focus on the present of us :)
I love and adore ya the most my bestie.

Merry Christmas Eve!

midnight talk Day 17

Christmas Eve today my porky!
Merry Christmas  Eve and I love and adore ya more :)
Hang out with the same friends on Christmas eve 2 years ago, and it feel amazing not alone tonight.
On Christmas day tomorrow I don't have any plan, will just come home and watch Chuck and skype you if ya want me to.
Listen to Elvis's christmas record now and feel all the laughter of you is here with me right now at this moment.
I am so glad to love you and to be loved by ya my porky.
It's a day for appreciation for my lover and for the universe to bring us so close.



Bet you if you sink
You'd swim a little further
And I bet you if you cried
You'd understand me better

I told myself all the lines beneath everyday closer to ya. Those uncertainties are necessary in our lives to remind us how much we have to care each, also to tell us how wonderful love is.
"Feeling of being One little light"
Although we are both little lights alone, but being together, we will shine lighter than anyone my hus :)

Feeling of being in this lifetime and don't regret but moving on!

midnight talk Day 16

We gotta stand right on each other 
They gotta try harder babe 
I got stand right by you 
And you gotta stand right by me

If you could see yourself the way see you babe 
Then you could see for yourself that I don’t want nobody else



Good evening Porky, how's your dream?
I dreamed of us again for the third time last night, we hold hands and kissed so much in it.
Then I heard this song on YouTube this afternoon, and it reminds me of you so so so much then usual.

We will always stand right by each other, won't we?

In my eyes, you are always the most adorable one eva. 



Also feel so close to you these days because we both know we love each enough to support this temporary trip.
My darling will you hold my hands going through the red carpet :)

141222 Funky night

Uptown Funk you up, Uptown Funk you up

好適合心情好的晚上聽喔! 
Bruno Mars 和 Mark Ronson的跨界合作有了這首有點Michael Jackson風格的Uptown Funk，
你不跟旋律搖擺就太誇張了 XD

Cause uptown funk gone give it to ya!

midnight talk Day 15

Christmas is on the way.
This song says everything I am going to tell you today porky.
It's a sweet duet from a series I am watching recently called "Chuck".
Still can't get used to watching series without you, it reminds  me so many good time we've had together.

Just come home, won't ya?



It's okay to have scars, they will make you who you are.
It's okay to have fears, as long as you're not scared of coming here.
And in the middle of the night, call if you want to talk,
'cus you know, that I want to talk too.

'Cus we're far apart and my lonely heart finds it hard to get through the night.
You pull me out of the dark and now it's light.

I like the way that our arguements stop when we fall asleep,
and the way that your body feels when it's wrapped around me,
and I'd like it, if you made it to mine by Christmas Eve
so you can hold me.

So come on home,
just come on home.

Miss our snuggling time and we both know we love each so much.
Happy early Christmas my dorky, you are so adorable in my lonely heart now.
Somehow it hurts a bit knowing that we can't celebrate our first Christmas together,
somehow it gets colder this week and there's no one holding my hands.

But, please always remember I love you more than stars in the universe.
I love you so much, so sweet, so warm.

141221 私人小品

hay!



Don't I hold you like you want to be held
And don't I treat you like you want
And don't I love you like you want to be loved
And you're running away

Elizabeth Town是一部關於接受與放下的電影，
有時候學著拒絕也是一門藝術啊。

midnight talk Day 14

14 days = 2 weeks. This simple formation eases all the day counting routine.



Maybe it's sorta joke form God that I have to say goodbye to so many passengers in my life.
Not only family members, lovers, friends, and also different circumstances. Feel like it's been my destiny already.


Then when heaven has a line around the corner,
we shouldn’t have to wait around and hope to get in
if we can carpenter a home in our heart right now
and carve a palace from within.

We won’t need to take a ton of pictures,
It won’t be easy to believe

the day we wake inside a secret place that everyone can see

I am totally a worried-kinda person, since you were gone, the feeling increases so soon that I can't even describe how much hard I have to try to hold it. Also, I start to doubt "forever" over and over again. Goodbye is never an simple thing for me, not that sorta people who can lift up and down of emotion in a minute.  Time is my best friend of oblivion 

I am a coward and you know it porky. Just lack of courage for old stuffs, then seek for new ones to compensate for. Like an ostrich, hiding its head to ground, pretending not to seeing anything, but only the fear and sorrow.

However, I know we are different in a good way. Even though there're so many barriers awaits in the front road, I know we can cross it and move on,  right?

3 weeks to go then you will be back.

I love you my porky.

midnight talk Day 13

Tell me everything that happened
Tell me everything you saw

They had lights, inside their eyes
They had lights, inside their eyes

Did you see the closing window
Did you hear the slamming door?

They moved forward and my heart died

Please please tell me what they looked like
Did they seem afraid of you?

They were kids that I once knew

Somehow this song from Stars told all I felt by today lover.
"They were kids I once knew" here refers to so many dimensions, for me mostly feel like the past  I gave up and I can't embrace.
Sun still shines everyday, only people change that fast for the would to catch up.
Maybe knowing when is the end of the world will stop changing and force all of us to focus on what we've owned already. Sounds sorta sensible. Under the circumstance that ya totally when you are gonna shatter in crumbs, how could you waste your life as what you've done everyday so far?

But if the world goes to its end, I wish my last moment is with you holding my hands.
Then our broken pieces will blend together forevea.

I love ya porky bud, so much.

midnight talk Day 12

I am a beey buzzy busy bee today lover.
My heart is sorta overloading right now of everything. 

I might told you that eva since I started to hate someone or something, it never fade away, nevea.
Facing the same situation at this moment, I hate my life now.
Have to be honest to you, everything.

Either you kill the voice or it kills you. Have to choose on the extreme scale.

It's very difficult, super difficult.

One October Song, can't you feel the line whilst you listen to it?
Human tend to be bitchy, all of them.



Strangely, after One October Song, what comes next was totally out of blue hah.

Just a mile from home
To the fire we own
I will never look back
With the wind at my back
Dont give up on us now
Such an perfect excuse for my own drama against myself heh.
I am just a worried head on my own ya know.
Sometimes I do hate myself being too sensitive to get up on my knees.

But home with ya and my supports from universe are still there, always be with me unless someone choose to leave first. Maybe tiredness throws me into this dilemma and brings me those anxiety.

:(

Need you so badly now.  

141218 當光芒快要熄滅的時候

雖然不想要垂頭喪志的，
但是最近年關將至的同時 有好多決定要做 有好多再見要說。

就是一整個像無頭蒼蠅亂鑽亂闖 又沒有夥伴可以訴苦的困境。
人生峰迴路轉→總算理解這句總覺得不會發生在自己身上的俗語。

 

I want to live in a house surrounded by snow and bears and wood and stars. 
And all along the front of this stage there will be fairy lights, as bright as any city night. 

I was lost in the night time. 

I am young and I've made awful mistakes. 
You are older and you'd do the same.

來自Sam Isaac的這首 Bears 諷刺的聽來不斷地為自己找藉口，
有時候緬懷過去的種種其實解決不了實質面的問題。
喃喃自語的麻痺自己: 大家都曾經迷惘過，
哈 縮頭烏龜一般的膽小鬼 (哭)

midnight talk Day 11

That if you built this to look just like you
Then here’s the irony
No one will know
If it’s tomorrow or today that you go

If it is growing
If it is clawing
And wants to get out
Then let it come out

Day eleven my porky.
Somehow I get all upset today. This song totally says mostly how I feel today tho.
Sorry, I didn't tend to feel so depressing whilst you were away, just those extra time walking home alone with holiday feelings of others kill whole imaginable cells in my for dreams.

There's Christmas tree on the main shopping street near the fanciest theater we've been to once.
There's couples holding hands and hugging each's so close walking pass by me everyday.
And there's me trying so hard to figure out those question without an exact answer.

I miss Poland, Ireland, Berlin, Budapest, and also England so much. At the exactly same time right now last year, I was in Edinburgh hiking on Arthur's Hill with friends, and then gotta some very strong (7.2% alcohol !!!) in pubs and chatting so happily and carefree.

But I don't miss that sorta life, more is about the feeling ya know.
No need luxury presents or going anywhere, just want to have our own cell together forevea.
Also some little surprises to light up our days, that's simple but very difficult to have it tho.

I know that my heart is starting to be dramatic again right now, but please remember one thing, I am also telling my bitter heart, that I love you so much.
I wish you do love me as I do, but not sure tho.

My porky I miss those shiny stars in your insightful, beautiful eyes. 

141217 Band introduction: Fanfarlo

Fanfarlo是我已經瘋狂聽了一個多月的愛團，
每首歌都會讓你忍不住 哇 的一個非常多元化的團。
其實不只曲風多元化，
連fanfarlo本身的團員組成就是一個大熔爐 XD

團長是來自瑞典的Simon，在倫敦開始了fanfarlo的演出生涯。
很難去定義他們到底屬於哪種風格的獨立樂團，
稍稍列一下他們演出中曾使用過的樂器們:
提琴、喇叭、鐵琴、樂器用的鋸子(實在不知道名稱XD)等等，
看影片就可以體會到現場精采度爆表的演出，
不知到看現場會有多感動 我實在是無法描繪看到Live的心情!
(希望可以快點發生就是!)



這首 Finish Line 是在我最喜歡fanfarlo的專輯《Reservoir》裡，
先提一下專輯好了，
2009發行的《Reservoir》歌曲正如專輯名稱「蓄水池」一樣，
天馬行空的容納了各式各樣可能性，
由團員們拼湊成一首又一首活潑卻富含意義的masterpieces!

我真的愛到翻!

Finish Line 說的其實不是終點線，
而是走向完結篇之前的掙扎。

"Last year was a good year, I beat myself to a bloody mess
 But blue is the colour of the days I'm hoping for
 What have you done to the mind you had
 Out there somewhere is the finish line"

『無止盡的爭奪最後剩下的混亂也混淆了方向』

"Speak to me, if you can"
『垂死前的吶喊』

所以人生為什麼要把自己逼近死角呢。




Deconstruction→解構生活有時候要拋下已知和未知才能有機會衝破困境前進。

結尾的20秒對我來說非常完美，
感覺是Fanfarlo任性固執的「我們才不會因此而滿足」的宣言。


"Motives and means, now they seem like a dream within a dream
 Concepts and ideas starting soon to be making any sense
 Just look away, just look away sometimes
 It goes away, it goes away sometimes"

"So come on, let's dissect it
 Let's cut it up till it's gone
 Let's break it up into pieces,
 And throw away what we don't understand"

『當夢想和生活意義成了掛嘴邊的日常公事時

   拋下吧 離開吧 不要留戀

   勇敢的頗析自己

   再重新出發  重新出發』

非常有意義的歌詞，

雖然我翻得極爛 (哭)

"we have a conjecture we've got each other's backs
 we made a promise but one day we'll fall apart

 until the world gets tired of looking at itself"

"We have a place, a fighting chance

 While the chemicals keep up their dance

 While the roots are digging deep

 Try to suck the whole place dry"

嘻嘻，

在世界都不要你的時候也許你有機會生存，

在世界全都要你的時候也許你就會墜落，

但是還是要努力嘗試  即使有些是你已知的不可能。

晚安，希望Fanfarlo會給大家明天起床的力量。

midnight talk Day 10

Ten Ten already.
Writing letters for you everyday here has been the warmest moment in my daily life already.
So many different ideas just pop out in my mind in every minute right now, such a shame that can't share all with you face to face tho.

hehehe :)

I know it sorta cliche to say it, but still gotta write it down here.
"Feel like finally spread my wings to get ready"
Although can't have a promising future still; however, I know we are on the same boat everyday here and there. Also I know we love each other so much, there's no need to doubt our sweet life eva.



"They'll remember me for my youth. If I give it all up
 But kid I'm a pilot,
 It's all I believe in 
 You can ride on my back"

I'd rather be remembered by trying so hard then fail. instead of by giving up.
Will you be my strongest support in my life?
I love you my sweet porky.



"If you look at the horizon there is always something ducking out of sight
When you're looking at the treetops and they're scratching out their patterns in the sky"

Can you feel the courage from this song as I do right now? 
I love you.

midnight talk Day 9

"I'll do anything
 To be happy
 Oh, 'cause blue skies are calling
 But I know that it's hard"

It's a song of saying goodbye. Sometimes, the most difficult moment isn't saying goodbye to others, it's how you try to let it go. "Let it go" here, i don't mean only in a sad way, somehow, leaving triumph or comfy zone is the hardest decision to make.

I am not a talented person, know it all the time. So I know how important to put efforts on everything little thing I am working on right now, and then pray for a bit luck. Just got an idea now, if I write down my skill in a chart, what kinda talent will take the biggest part of it?

Loving something doesn't mean that you can nail it. It's so cruel but true.

I do believe one thing, DON'T REGRET WHEN YOU GET TOO OLD TO REACH.

So please be true to yourself always, I never want you to compromise to me, never.

We both are still young folks, why not just give it a wild try.

This song gives me both nostalgia and modern feels at the same time.
Good morning song for you :)